If that was your dad, he is hot
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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