cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
