Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
