I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
