i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
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