As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Randomize
