shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
