i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
