He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
