I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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