there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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