I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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