The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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