I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
