Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
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It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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