I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
