this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
