I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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