Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
did i just pee glitter
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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