at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
