i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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