Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
