Kiss
Puke
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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