my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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