Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
this is an emotional support booty call
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
