it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
