well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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