I am in a vortex of obligation.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
