I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
