If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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