if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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