You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize