I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
pray to the hookup gods
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
