Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
