shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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