This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
