someone threw a dead crab at me
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
