i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize