If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
