Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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