I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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