Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
