Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
No subtext here. People are naked.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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