i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
