someone owes me an orgasm
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
