Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Girls should come with a carfax report
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Randomize
