Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
