this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
