Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize