ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
