if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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