Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
