we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
