"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
