So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
