Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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