I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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