So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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