Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
