my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
