By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
