if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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