and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
