oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
