Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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