You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
