Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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