No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
