dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
