paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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