I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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