Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
