The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Dicks are not precious.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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