Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
