She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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