Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize