I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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