Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
