Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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