C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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