Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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