i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
