ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I understand Curling. That high.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
