I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
