Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I love having hate sex.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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