When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
