I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
