It's like God shit irony all over that family
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
