I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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