He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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