Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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